BULLSHIT BINGO

As I approach my last day of being employed I think of all the things I could share. As it’s the holiday season let’s have some fun and let’s play bullshit bingo – sorry some of you may be living through this 😂😂 still – poor you. And those of you who have never partaken, what have you been doing during those long presentations!!The serious stuff can wait for a bit.

Many years ago I suddenly felt that my vocabulary needed some bolstering. I can’t quite remember what led me to this point (English is my second language don’t you know) but I recall being quite vocal on the subject … out came more books, The Times was purchased more frequently and beloved gave me a Thesaurus. I was all set to be a mini intellectual.

Imagine my surprise then at the randomness of some other words and phrases that started appearing at work. If you are responsible for any of these, shame on you (but Thankyou too, as you’ve given us all hours of fun).

🤷🏽‍♀️Deep dive: Does it look like I’ve got a diving suit on? I’m not confident under water !!! Am I not on dry land? Am I going hunting for treasure in the ocean?What do you actually mean … oh you mean study the subject in more “depth”. Yes of course I will before submitting my recommendation. Why didn’t you just say ??

🤷🏽‍♀️Dial up: Who are we calling? What are we calling them about ?Are you using an old school phone analogy! Have you forgotten we are all about the touch screen and swiping.

🤷🏽‍♀️Team dynamics: Are you asking as a HR official? What do you mean that we really shouldn’t be shouting at each other – that’s not normal then ? Yes they are like my second dysfunctional family – the dynamics are just perfect. We do make tea for each other – hang on I don’t let anyone make my tea. And we are doing Secret Santa -all good.

🤷🏽‍♀️Circle back : No it’s not some new dance step. Are you asking me to recheck something ?

🤷🏽‍♀️Regroup: We are not going into war! Let’s work together to get that business-it’s good to check. Perhaps we can regroup and circle back ? Don’t get dizzy and stay focused.

🤷🏽‍♀️New newness: Show me your “new newness” not old newness you see just new newness. I had this asked of me by a buyer. I should have evaluated my options then !🤔

🤷🏽‍♀️Soft launch:Hmmm …is this soft because there’s no budget I wonder or we haven’t ordered enough stock. Just selling stuff subtly…

🤷🏽‍♀️Outside the box : I’m not in a box. How can I think outside it when I’m not in it. Do you mean outside the room ? Or outside my normal head. Grrrrrr…. stop pigeon holing me into a box.

🤷🏽‍♀️Same page: Ok.. I’m ready for this one. Same page as what, which book, which paper? Again we’re all digital guys. Same screen? Perhaps I’m not on the same page because I’m still trying to get outside the box. Join you shortly.

🤷🏽‍♀️Traction: One of my favourites. No we are not in a hospital. We are just going to get some momentum on this thing we’re working on ! Right ? Hopefully not on the soft launch otherwise it wouldn’t be soft anymore.

🤷🏽‍♀️blue sky thinking: not grey sky because that might be dull and non creative ? Blue – bright blue with some fluffy clouds! This is where you get once you’ve left the 📦!

🤷🏽‍♀️Light bulb moment : hope it’s not one of those new tangled energy saving type. Your moment could be slightly delayed.

🤷🏽‍♀️Curated range: a range by definition would have had to be selected and therefore curated. If shops weren’t curated they’d need elastic shelves ( no dear buyer I know there is no such thing).

🤷🏽‍♀️Locked and loaded : Just too aggressive for my liking ! Think this lot are ready for action.

🤷🏽‍♀️At the end of the day. At the end of the day it will be dark, time to go home, it’s not life or death?

🤷🏽‍♀️Reaching out:Thank you to our American friends and one particular online retailer for reaching out to us !!! Don’t reach out all the time – feels like a constant failing attempt. I’m reaching out for you but never touching you ( sorry pc friends- getting through).

🤷🏽‍♀️Tone of voice. So you mean I need to write as I speak. Doesn’t bode well for me. Ok you mean I need to be serious on grave matters and not frivolous. Got it matey !

🤷🏽‍♀️Due diligence: Some of you may have spotted the fact that this is a legalise term. So let it stay there. If you’ve deep dived and circled back and double checked and triple checked, diligence can stay in the bloody box. Did I get the right tone there ?

I am quite sure that you all have many more gems hidden away. Feel free to share.

I wish you and your loved ones an awesome holiday season and hope that you all reach out to each other and deep dive into each emotion. Ensure there is traction to your generosity.

At the end of the day it’s Christmas so you don’t have to think outside the box to get aligned for this festive season.

I’m sure we’ll meet again before the year is out.

🙏🏽

Seema 🎄😉🤷🏽‍♀️