The Auntiji – a very brief introduction

The model auntiji takes time to perfect . Years of attending functions, parties and poojas to perfect the look, the barbed comments and the oh so insincere concern.

Let me introduce you to our favourite non-relation relation , my auntiji. We all have one or scarily might be in the market to be one 😂. She can’t help it – we’ve allowed her to be this way . We’ve furnished her with false praise and information that’s allowed her to flourish.

The auntiji’s standard questions range from the following categories and sub-categories. Note these are not the Advanced Level variety. Be warned and warn your children ( by popular demand I shall be holding seminars and post auntiji therapy sessions). Because you know you won’t walk away from them 🙄. You’ve been raised proper. So let’s begin …

1. Your weight.

You’re looking very well and healthy- code for you’ve gained weight . Is something wrong – code for you’ve lost weight.

2. Your marital status

How old are you now – code for isn’t it time you were married and btw look at your poor mother ageing with the pressure.

How is your husband – code for I know you’re not together.

3. Your post marriage status

How long has it been – code for isn’t it time you had children.

Anything you want to tell me whilst rubbing her hand on your tummy ( seriously 😐 did I say you could touch me )

4. Your post 1st child status Just repeat above in early days . Don’t they think some of us did want more kids but it may not have been possible.

5. Your post children’s post school life Don’t bother to answer it’s just a ploy to extol the virtues of their offspring.

Let me not bemoan all auntijis because as per the norm 99.99% are perfectly fine and just yummy especially in 2018.. right? But for some reason we love the drama queens. These are the loudest ones with the brightest saris and suits.They are the ones who are able to hold an audience. They are the ones that love their children unconditionally whatever they may have done or indeed not done. And the forgotten uncleji … think he’s got his headphones on an watching some news channel.

I’m going to break this mould and will make sure to ask the young people if they’re having fun and what their favourite tipple is and when they are going to introduce me to their girlfriend/boyfriend. Look look I didn’t mention what they are studying 😂.

I may not graduate from auntiji school but it’s ok to fail on this one.

See you soon beta … 😉

🙏🏽

One thought on “The Auntiji – a very brief introduction

  1. Nitasha’s response to Seema -“Love it!! 😁 @⁨Seema Grantham⁩ @⁨Poonam Chand⁩
    Be wary of the new age auntiji,
    She is so much more lethal for she is more conflicted.
    Caught between the old school and a liberated persona.
    She too will try to fix you up at a wedding, because she “gets divorce and its completely OK”.
    She will also try to set you up with a 25 year old. When you point out that “he is almost half my age”, she instantly freezes before remembering she is a modern, liberated women and
    follows with “I am not suggesting you marry him, just enjoy the romance.”
    And the auntiji genes in you (we all have it) cannot resist asking “but how would you feel if your son dated someone twice his age?” Panic in her eyes, beads
    of perspiration on her forehead as she searches for the politically correct thing to say.
    But her every cell Is saying “over my dead body”. Ok be kind you think, “don’t worry, I prefer older men”.
    Relief washes over her if only
    for a moment. Then discomfort again. Oh no you think, I have just made this worse. “Don’t worry I am not about to make a play for uncleji either.”

    At this point she tells you about uncleji’s business partner who ran off with his 20 year old secretary and other such stories and ends with a despondent “but we women don’t do that”.
    Poor conflicted auntiji wants you to help her believe that “women can”, just NOT with her son. At which point you can completely relate to her emotions…. And wonder “what sort of conflicted auntiji has life experience made me?”

    Liked by 2 people

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