The model auntiji takes time to perfect . Years of attending functions, parties and poojas to perfect the look, the barbed comments and the oh so insincere concern.
Let me introduce you to our favourite non-relation relation , my auntiji. We all have one or scarily might be in the market to be one đ. She canât help it – weâve allowed her to be this way . Weâve furnished her with false praise and information thatâs allowed her to flourish.
The auntijiâs standard questions range from the following categories and sub-categories. Note these are not the Advanced Level variety. Be warned and warn your children ( by popular demand I shall be holding seminars and post auntiji therapy sessions). Because you know you wonât walk away from them đ. Youâve been raised proper. So letâs begin …
1. Your weight.
Youâre looking very well and healthy- code for youâve gained weight . Is something wrong – code for youâve lost weight.
2. Your marital status
How old are you now – code for isnât it time you were married and btw look at your poor mother ageing with the pressure.
How is your husband – code for I know youâre not together.
3. Your post marriage status
How long has it been – code for isnât it time you had children.
Anything you want to tell me whilst rubbing her hand on your tummy ( seriously đ did I say you could touch me )
4. Your post 1st child status Just repeat above in early days . Donât they think some of us did want more kids but it may not have been possible.
5. Your post childrenâs post school life Donât bother to answer itâs just a ploy to extol the virtues of their offspring.
Let me not bemoan all auntijis because as per the norm 99.99% are perfectly fine and just yummy especially in 2018.. right? But for some reason we love the drama queens. These are the loudest ones with the brightest saris and suits.They are the ones who are able to hold an audience. They are the ones that love their children unconditionally whatever they may have done or indeed not done. And the forgotten uncleji … think heâs got his headphones on an watching some news channel.
Iâm going to break this mould and will make sure to ask the young people if theyâre having fun and what their favourite tipple is and when they are going to introduce me to their girlfriend/boyfriend. Look look I didnât mention what they are studying đ.
I may not graduate from auntiji school but itâs ok to fail on this one.
See you soon beta … đ
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Nitashaâs response to Seema -âLove it!! đ @â¨Seema Grantham⊠@â¨Poonam ChandâŠ
Be wary of the new age auntiji,
She is so much more lethal for she is more conflicted.
Caught between the old school and a liberated persona.
She too will try to fix you up at a wedding, because she âgets divorce and its completely OKâ.
She will also try to set you up with a 25 year old. When you point out that âhe is almost half my ageâ, she instantly freezes before remembering she is a modern, liberated women and
follows with âI am not suggesting you marry him, just enjoy the romance.â
And the auntiji genes in you (we all have it) cannot resist asking âbut how would you feel if your son dated someone twice his age?â Panic in her eyes, beads
of perspiration on her forehead as she searches for the politically correct thing to say.
But her every cell Is saying âover my dead bodyâ. Ok be kind you think, âdonât worry, I prefer older menâ.
Relief washes over her if only
for a moment. Then discomfort again. Oh no you think, I have just made this worse. âDonât worry I am not about to make a play for uncleji either.â
At this point she tells you about unclejiâs business partner who ran off with his 20 year old secretary and other such stories and ends with a despondent âbut we women donât do thatâ.
Poor conflicted auntiji wants you to help her believe that âwomen canâ, just NOT with her son. At which point you can completely relate to her emotionsâŚ. And wonder “what sort of conflicted auntiji has life experience made me?”
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