Work breeds 🙄: we’re the normal ones .. right? Which type of colleague will I be today ??

The world is made of all sorts so why do companies feel the need to fill their businesses with a “type”. This surely will result in a blob of blancmange and lead to a tasteless mess. However the enlightened companies ensure that there is a diverse melting pot of

⁃ ages :although at this rate we’ll all be working till we are 80 🤦🏽‍♀️ (stay away from religion and politics Seema!)

⁃ sex :no I’m not implying that

⁃ experience :age doesn’t mean you go to the top of the class for this but the onus is on all concerned not to let the experience stay buried. Don’t see it as a threat but something that we can all enjoy and benefit from.

⁃ education :you don’t need a degree to do every job and you don’t need a degree to prove your intellect or capabilities. But you can be proud of your achievements. So we’re all good! 😅

⁃ backgrounds: the trick is to be open. This is so vast that I’ll come back to it another day.

Let me take you through some of the personality types I’ve encountered over the years – naming no names and in no particular order.Of course if you are a teeny tiny business of one feel free to be all the below if biologically/mentally/physically possible 😂😉. Perhaps not all and not all of the time. Some are my personal favourites and showcase all the wonderful women I’ve had the pleasure to work with.

⁃ The working mum: A class act that lives by lists and juggling. She has to hear nonsensical comments from time to time about commitment, time keeping and time off.Remember they are working not just at work but with our future !

⁃ The nosey one: They have to know everything about everything. Leave some space for things that matter people !! Closely linked to the gossip.

⁃ The gossip:creating bile and doubt. Often seen hovering at desks. One to be avoided at all cost.

⁃ The know it all: they’ve done it , seen it, tried it so shall we all move on. Don’t they know that history repeats itself.

⁃ The negative numpty: Minimise engagement at all costs. Some helpful escaping strategies for you. Sorry the CEO is expecting me(go big!!); just need to visit the loo or I think I’m needed at the hospital – a family member has just been taken ill. 🤔

⁃ The lazy one: why do you even bother pretending! 🙄

⁃ The missing one: oooh weren’t you supposed to be in London. Ooooh weren’t you supposed to be in the office. I think you need to go missing from our business for good.

⁃ The loner: The ones quite frankly that should work on their own.

⁃ The tryer: god love them

⁃ The one who has your back: closely linked with a possible friend.

⁃ The smoker: The one that annoys the non-smoker with their break times. And it’s an addiction so please don’t be mad at me 🙏🏽. Us non-smokers need a vice !

⁃ The whiner : they’ll be the ones gossiping about the smoker😉. They are energy suckers.

⁃ The feeder: proud to be one but I know that it can’t be easy if we keep feeding you with samosas/left over curries/ sweets. Forget about any diet if we are around.

⁃ The tea maker: no no let me do it again although it’s called a tea round. But please don’t be offended as I’ll make my own.

⁃ The late one: so you haven’t moved, and the start time hasn’t changed. Help me understand (©️Thankyou Mr Meek). They are pushing understanding to new limits .

⁃ The “don’t you have a home to go to”: in before everyone and leave after everyone. What are you doing ? Either you should question your work load or you’re not doing it right or you need to get off social media.

⁃ The Knowledge is power: yes I knew that and that. But am not going to tell you because then you’ll know more than me and that makes me feel insecure.

⁃ The one you walk on egg shells around: I’ll do the same here than shall I. Watch every word and every possible meaning of every word. So draining.

⁃ The ‘they just get it’: help to create a productive and fun team. They know the work like balance and why we’re at work.

⁃ The future CEO: you can just see them shining can’t you. They take us all with them and make things happen which we thought weren’t possible and they know they couldn’t have done it without you. And they tell you that.

⁃ The one who thinks it’s a fashion show: ok so I have been guilty sometimes of this.

⁃ The part timer: let’s get this clear. They work part time and get part time money so why do we expect them to be available at our whim.

⁃ The home based one: give them a break.. What do you care whether we do the work at 4pm or 8pm? Are you secretly jealous.

⁃ The friend for life: it will happen for sure to us all. They become your rock at work and outside.

⁃ The loud one/ disruptive: it’s fun but not all day long! Stick your do not disturb sign up.🙄

⁃ The drama queen: No there is no crisis but they will pretend there is one because they like the sound of their voice and need the attention. So tragic.

⁃ The sharer: we know what they watched on tv last night, what they had for dinner and what their partner’s colleagues are like too ! Ok so I may also be one of these. 😂

⁃ The emailer: lets cover our backsides shall we. It’s so much easier to email than talk to the whiner, the gossip the loud one. Yes carry on emailing even if it is to place a tea order !!

⁃ The meeting guru: let’s have another meeting. And let’s all turn up on time. Time is money. What are we here for again?

⁃ The “carry on colleague”: Keep your hands to yourself and no thanks to the smutty jokes and pathetic innuendos. We don’t need another Finbar Saunders. Please don’t misunderstand me – I and others are more than capable of standing our ground. Just accept us for the people we are – female colleagues who per chance may be better than you ? Goodness that could be possible in 2018. #metoo where were you for all those years.

⁃ The yes man: there could be an opinion in there somewhere 🤷🏽‍♀️

The Venn diagram will be rather complicated and messy but I’m sure some smart young thing will develop an app to work out which bits you are. And the beauty of us humans is that we have the capacity to change – if you don’t like something about yourself you have the gift to “explore and develop”. How many times have I felt the urge to be someone smarter, faster or not to be there 🙄.

Learn to adapt and be open. In each scenario you don’t have to behave to type! Surprise yourself and the other buggers. That’ll confuse them.

I know who I’d have in my boat … do you?

Work should be fun and fulfilling. Everyone has a part to play to make the bottom line.

🙏🏽

Seema